Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I need to relax and spend more time with my kids, or maybe not.

I was calmly attending to my ablutions when the door flew open and banged against the bathroom wall.

My youngest daughter rushed in and threw a heap of soil into the hand basin. Needless to say I was quite surprised and not a little annoyed and I can’t say that the situation improved when she turned on the tap and started washing soil away from four very long wiggly worms.

Blithely ignoring my shouts of indignation and threats of retribution she calmly explained that her various creatures’ diets, of shop bought pet foods needed to be supplemented occasionally; and taking a Lumbricus Terrestris in hand she swept out of the room 
leaving three more swimming around, I swear they were laughing at me!

They wouldn’t be laughing long though.

The mini zoologist’s voice floated in from her room,” My aquatic frog swallowed that one whole” she reported gleefully. Returning momentarily she grabbed two more of the ill fated creatures and disappeared. Apparently terrapins are equally greedy for this delicacy, whole worms.

which is a mercy when you consider that the final worm was chopped into bits,so that it wouldn’t choke the fighting fish. 


A day or two passed and I forgot the horror. 

So you can imagine how I felt when a relaxing coffee in the garden was interrupted by gleeful shouts of “27 snails! Get me a bucket”…  

… Yes, quite. Get me one too please.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Blogging Without Makeup Day

According to THE BLOGGESS  who is following the lead of JODIE we are supposed to be blogging without makeup today and as I haven't posted since Easter I thought why the hell not. But first let me introduce you to some of the family...





and now for the moment you have all been dreading........


As an added bonus I am also blogging without a hairbrush just to show you all how brave I am.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Too Irate to Celebrate.

I wasn’t expecting Easter to be a happy occasion this year but I thought that we would at least get to eat a nice meal. How wrong can you be?

I suggested to my husband that it might be a good idea if he helped his 89 year old father to barbecue the meat but he was not impressed with the idea. He did however manage to check on his father’s progress from time to time and tell him what he was doing wrong before wandering off for another cigarette and a sip of iced coffee.

I busied myself in the kitchen seasoning meat and preparing salads and muttering under my breath about turnip headed trouts. In retrospect I should have paid more attention to what I was doing.

It took granddad over two hours to get the barbecue cleaned and lit so time was getting on and tummies were rumbling by the time the lamb chops, pork chops and sausages were cooked I had a plate of golden chips ready and the salads just needed dressing.

The best part of any BBQ for me is that first bit of meat snaffled off the grill but this was not the case on Sunday. As I happily chomped on succulent looking lamb chop my anticipation of gastronomic bliss plummeted from a precipice of panic as I realized that the chop was as salty as the dead sea. Drastic action was needed so I grabbed a bowl filled it with warm water and as I washed the chops granddad tossed them back on the grill for a quick sizzle. We carried the doctored dinner into the kitchen and were met by thick smoke bellowing from the fryer. In all the excitement I had forgotten about the last lot of chips (though they now resembled charcoal bricks) and we arrived on the scene just in time to prevent a fire.

We sat down to a meal of slightly less salty meat and cold chips then I remembered the salad dressing. I quickly threw salt oil and lemon into the mix and poured it on the salad before realizing that I hadn’t added pepper. Grabbing the pepper pot I turned it upside down over the salad and the lid fell off emptying the entire contents into the bowl. Once I had removed the salad with most of the pepper and tossed the rest we sat down in the smoky kitchen to a meal that was more eye watering than mouth watering and I couldn’t help wondering if my mum in law was having a ghostly chuckle about the mess we were making now that she isn’t here to shout and chivvy

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Getting back into the swing of things.


He hadn’t understood why she was so upset.
After twenty years of marriage he said
their sex life was getting stale.
Lots of couples did it.
Swinging was the thing he’d said.
She smiled contentedly
as his body swung in the tree.
Swinging wasn’t her cup of tea
but it was just what he deserved.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Shout Out for The Bloggess

If you came here expecting to be entertained then go here.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Perfect in Public

He's the perfect gentleman, at his lady’s elbow, kind and solicitous, smiling for the crowd.

She, recalling the man she fell in love with, feels a flicker of hope.

Back home, hanging his suit in the wardrobe, he tucks his caring persona in his pocket scowling at his family.

She returns to her divorce plans.